


House Rules

by DecrescentMelancholy



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Compound, Cloak of Levitation (Marvel), Domestic Avengers, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Magic, Portals, References to Norse Religion & Lore, house rules, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 22:30:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16819717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DecrescentMelancholy/pseuds/DecrescentMelancholy
Summary: I have taken upon the task to update House Rule #7 to 'If one Avenger gets a toy, all Avengers get a toy only if the others members notice the new item' because I feel like if you don't notice the new piece a member got, you have no right to be considered a person to be feared and honestly, that way also I don't have to make two of everything every time I want to upgrade gears.





	House Rules

To say that Stephen rarely set foot inside the Avengers compound would be a lie. He never did. Tony Stark had started going to the Sanctum trying to convince him to join, by he refused. He just had too many stuff to do while being a Master of the Mystic Arts, if added to that you put Avengers work, he just had to say good-bye to the almost non-existent social life he desperately tried to preserve. So no, he had never entered the Avengers compound, until today. 

It had something to do with Tony begging him to finally make some appearance because be alongside them from time to time, so it was only polite to try to have some kind of relationship with the rest of the group. He wasn't wrong, not at all, bit Stephen learned to despite social environments, and he always had some kind of excuse to not go inside the place. Apparently he couldn't escape forever. 

And thus, he decided to get this over with be opening a portal and appearing in front of the principal door of the compound, waiting for someone to open the door and let him in. Someone did, Friday if he wasn't mistaken, and he sighed with dread once the knowledge that he was inside registered completely inside his brain. Though it was completely unexpected to find the Winter Soldier kneeling in front of the fridge with a bowl of spaghetti on his hands, and lifting it to ceiling while mumbling something under his breath with his eyes closed. It was a completely bizarre first impression of the living space. 

“What--” he was interrupted from voicing his question out loud when a hand flew to his mouth so he couldn't talk. Darting his scandalized eyes to the side, Stephen recognized Sam Wilson. 

“He's praying, you shouldn't interrupt him.” Bucky chose that moment to speak the last sentence louder than the rest.

“-for thine is the meatball, the noodle and the sauce, forever and ever. Ramen” What had he gotten into? 

Sam let go of his mouth, smiling brightly at the sorcerer.

“Stephen! You finally came, we were starting to believe you hated us. And it is a Friday too, so you must stay for dinner. Bucky is making pasta, right Bucky?” The falcon called to the man who was now sitting on the counter with the bowl of uncooked spaghetti in front of him, eyes staring inside as if it were to give him all the answers in the universe. “See, he is.” 

_ ‘He didn't even answer.’  _

“But that's still needs to be done, so why don't I show you a little of the place. That was the kitchen, as you could see, and not in here, we have the living room” 

Sam opened a door that led to a very spacious living room, place that could fit easily fifty people. They had a bar, a plasma the side of a wall and three big couches around the floor. They also had bean bags scattered around for whatever reason they needed bean bags for. Amazing. 

“Now that that's done,” the door slamed in front of him, Sam taking his arm to lead him somewhere else. “Let's go to the gym!” Not long after, a door automatically opened to show the amazing, and probably expensive, gym that was for the use of the Avengers. Inside the ring,  _ yes the ring,  _ were Steve and Natasha, the latter whom just threw the Captain to the floor without so much of a struggle. “Perfect, we can continue” 

Sam hurried out before either of the two inside could notice them there. After, the falcon showed him most of the rooms they had inside like the game room, the play room,  _ the two were different _ , the dining room, some of the bathrooms and the elevators together with the stairs. Stephen had the slight thought that these weren't even half of what this compound had inside. 

“I would show you Tony’s lab, but--” 

“Rule #2, Mr.Wilson” the robotic voice of Friday spoke making Sam sigh. 

“I know, Fri. It's not like you'll let me, either way.” 

“Rule #2?” To say Stephen was confused would be an understatement. Ever since he stepped inside almost forty minutes ago, he's had some weird moments that he couldn't place an explanation for inside his very limited brain when it came to Avengers trivia. Sam blinked at him before making an ‘oh’ sound. 

“I haven't showed you the rules room, have I?” 

“Rules room?” Very unexpectedly, at least for the wizard, a body fell from the ceiling and in front of him, the kneeling form of Clint Barton grinning at his dounfounded face. 

“The rules room,” the archer started “is our holy room. A place more sacred than all sacred places inside the building. Any member should know its location and learn from it once inside. Never should you forget the importance of the Rules Room, for it may have deadly consequences if you dare go against its commands.” 

Stephen looked back at Sam to see if this was a joke, but he found the serious face of the Avenger instead of a grin. They were for real? What even is this place? Well, if it was such an important matter, he might as well take a look into this so called ‘rules room’. Both males led him to a far and secluded area of the compound, both eerily synchronized when walking and later when opening the door so he could enter. What he found inside was… interesting, for the lack of a more suited word. These people weren't heroes, they were crazy! 

The room was completely bare of any furniture, all walls white and no windows anywhere. The maddening thing about this? The way one of the walls was full of writings, and not any writings, no. It was full of rules. These ‘rules’ were painted into the wall, other's were carved, some were written in paper and then hanged. One was even carved into a metal plate that was hanged beside a napkin, a napkin!, and below a mini banner that had another rule etched into it. But because this couldn't be weird enough, the rules per se were the most outrageous things even. They varied from mostly normal like: ‘Rule #18 - We do not mess with the mission gear’ to ‘Rule #37 - Horses are not good roonmates’. How did they even came up with this stuff? What would happen if someone touched Thor’s pop tarts? Why couldn't the Hulk grab the popcorn? And what was that about-

“What happened on March 3rd?” This was the most ominous rule among the rest, and that was saying quite a lot. Stephen turned around to look at the members of the Avengers that were accompanying him, but they both had solemn and pained expressions on their faces. What? 

“We do not talk about March 3rd. Now come on, dinner must be almost ready.” Clint pushed him out of the room and Stephen had a distinct feeling that his life wouldn't be normal ever again.

-

If he thought that having dinner with the Avengers would be the most normal thing he could have in this day, Stephen knew he was dead wrong once he entered the dining room. He remembered how Sam said that Bucky would cook pasta, but this was just too much. Everything was pasta, everything! There was lasagna, stuffed shells, pesto penne, ravioli with cream cheese or something like that and rigatoni with something there. Even for dessert there was some kind of chocolate pasta set in the middle besides some kind of fried white ravioli. How did he even had time to make all of this?! 

And because the food cannot out-weird the people, they were dressed as pirates. Fucking pirates! All of them except for Sam and Clint had costumes on, Steve went and got a parrot too. Beers decorated the table as the only means to satiate your thirst and Stephen wanted to teleport away from this place. 

“Stephanie!” Tony stood up abruptly to hug the taller man. “I didn't really think you would come. Sit down, sit down. Bucky makes the best pasta there is.” 

“For sure or else I wouldn't have anything to eat.” Tony laughed. He actually laughed like Stephen was making a joke, but he wasn't! Why was there so much damn pasta?!

“Well, you know me, you met Bucky and Sam. You obviously know Steve, there's Natasha over there and Clint at her side. That's Vision and Wanda, and right over there is Scott. Now that introductions are over, let's dig!” 

Everyone started to grab some kind of pasta to eat, Bucky started to mix different kinds and they were all just chill with the stuff. Not one to complain inside someone's place, Stephen cut a piece of the lasagna and decided to just eat this one piece before disappearing and never see these people again. 

“So Bucky,” Steve drank from his bottle of beer. “How did your praying go?” 

Oh right,  _ that _ .

“It was relaxing, I felt in tune with my lord, FSM.” 

Stephen looked bewildered their way but apparently everyone decided to ignore his presence. 

“That's good, we hope that you can connect with him through this holy food.” The piece of lasagna that Stephen swallowed moved to his air pipe and he choked, coughing to clear his throat. Grabbing his beer, he chugged a great amount of liquid trying to help the food go down the right way. Making sure that everyone was still talking about weird topics. Stephen gilded his food down in a matter of minutes, satisfied to have finished so he could walk away. 

  
  


“Stephen,” the sorcerer turned back from cleaning his plate and saw Steve standing behind him. “We are happy that you decided to join us, and on a holy Friday out of all days. Feel free to come back anytime.” Stephen nodded. 

“Thank you for the invitation, now if you'll excuse me,” and before the Captain could say another word, the sorcerer opened up and portal and stepped through, hopefully never having to se the Avengers compound again in his life. 


End file.
